Mark Twain Quotes

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
It is easier to stay out than get out.
It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.
It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
There are lies, damned lies and statistics.
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
We are all alike, on the inside.
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.